


Take a Second Look

by in_motu_proprio



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Drinking, Dry Humping, M/M, Male Bonding, Masturbation, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Slash, m/m relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:43:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4855163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_motu_proprio/pseuds/in_motu_proprio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve tries to figure out what he wants and how life is going to work as a gay male in the future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“What the hell?”  Steve’s head snapped around when he thought he saw a familiar gait.  It couldn’t be, though.  The man that gait belonged to was dead three years now.  He followed, light footed, closing on the man rapidly.  “Agent Coulson?”  Crystal clear blue eyes met his and Steve’s heart seized up in his chest.  

“Captain Rogers….  I had heard you were working out of this base.  Glad S.H.I.E.L.D. can count on you.”  He offered his hand but Steve found himself frozen.  Agent Coulson was there, breathing, alive in every way.  

Steve reached out and touched him, his hand clasping on the older man’s shoulder, squeezing.  “What the hell?”  Agent Coulson gave Steve a quick smile then nodded to a room near the end of the hall.  They walked down, Coulson holding the door for Steve to pass through before shutting it after him.  

“It’s a very, very long story, but I really did die by Loki’s scepter.  I just … came back.  Not of my own choice.”  Phil gave Steve what he assumed was a very bare bones coverage of his death and rebirth, at least the details that Phil could give him.  Steve just sat, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall trying to figure out what of the story he actually believed.  “And now I run my own team.”  Phil looked happy when he talked about them, mirroring Steve’s pose halfway across the room, leaning against a wall instead of a counter.  

“Why didn’t you….”

“Director’s orders,” Coulson told Steve.  “You know how he is.”  Steve nodded, laughing a little bit and running his hand over the back of his neck.  “Let me buy you a drink as an apology.”  

“You owe me more than one, Coulson.”  

If Steve could put a name on the emotion Coulson was putting out there, it was elation.  “I keep an apartment not far from here.”  Of course, Phil wouldn’t want to tell his story out in the open.  "Unless you just want a nip of a flask, in which case I might have to tap May.”  

“May?”  Steve felt strange, out of the loop and a little nauseated by the story of rebirth Coulson told him.  It was tampering with death, and that just seemed like an invitation to horrible things.  

“My right hand.”  Coulson smiled a little when he spoke of her, clearly more than fond of her.  

“I’d like to meet her.”  

“Well… that might be the only way she’d speak to me at the moment, so I may take you up on that.”  

“I see. Sorry.”  

“I deserve it.  I mean I didn’t have much choice, but I do deserve it.”  Coulson’s arms tightened across his chest.  

“If you were given orders, you had to follow them.  I understand.”  That didn’t mean Steve wasn’t pissed, it just meant that he got it.  His anger had a whole lot more to do with Nick Fury than it had to do with Phil Coulson at the moment.  “So… a drink?”  

Phil glanced down at his watch then clearly gave something a little thought.  “I have a few hours now.”  Maybe it was because he was really lonely or maybe it was because Phil Coulson had been put on a mental pedestal as the martyr for a cause Steve hadn’t known was false, but right now he could use a drink and while it was early, it wasn’t _that_ early.  Plus, from the look on Coulson’s face, he could use the drink.  

“Yeah, now’s fine.  Um… you know Natasha’s here, right?”  Phil nodded.  “Does she…”  

Phil nodded again.  “She slapped me so hard I had to have a crown reset.”  Phil pointed to his cheek and Steve winced.  “I’m just glad it was open handed.”  He worked his jaw, being exaggerated about it.  They headed out, Phil talking about his recent time in Puerto Rico and how beautiful the ocean was.  Coulson was the kind of guy who needed to fill the air with words, but that might have been more because he was overly excited and less to do with his personality.  
They drove to Phil’s place, an efficiency apartment two miles away.  It was on the edges of the base, as far away from the activity as you could get while still being close enough in an emergency.  Clearly Phil was favored because while it was just one room, it was a very large one with a sizable TV and a large leather sofa.  “It’s the biggest place I’ve had since I joined up.  Usually it’s just bunks wherever you can kip.”  Phil undid the buttons of his jacket and slid it off, hanging it neatly on a hanger near the door.  “Name your poison,” Phil nodded at the bottles of liquor lined up on a high glass shelf.  There were the basics, all in different states of fullness.  

“Whatever you’re having.”  Liquor really didn’t do a whole lot for Steve.  Or at least it didn’t last too terribly long.  

“Jack?”  Steve’s brows knitted.  “Jack Daniels… whisky,” Phil clarified and got a nod from Steve.  Phil rolled up his sleeves as he walked across the room, dropping a pair of cufflinks on the tray next to the lamp.  “Neat or on the rocks?”  

“Rocks.”  Steve figured he’d be able to chew the ice then.  It was a bad habit, but he’d found himself semi-obsessed with the great variety of frozen and cold things in the future.  Going into a grocery store for the first time, even a small one, he saw aisles of freezer cases.  It was a marvel, but such a waste when you could eat real, fresh foods.  Still, Steve was fascinated.  

Phil brought him a nice glass with the whisky in it, tapping his glass to Steve’s.  “To your health.”  

“Shouldn’t it be to yours?”  Steve’s brow rose and Coulson gave him half a smile.  They sat for awhile and Coulson told Steve about his team.  It was clear from the way he talked about them that he was more than fond of them.  They were his Howling Commandos.  Steve knew the feeling of being so deeply attached to a company that without them you felt like the piece fallen out of a puzzle box lost under the sofa.  Right now his team was in turmoil.  Coulson didn’t go into it that deeply, but it was clear he was troubled by the distance between him and his right hand.  

“Can I top you off?”  Phil was already pouring.  they wound up on the big sofa, both lounging pretty relaxed.  Eventually Phil offered dinner and Steve agreed easily.  He was hungry all the time.  Phil got up to see what he had in the cabinets.  “… pasta?  Or we could order from the mess, it’ll still be mess food, but we don’t have to eat it there.”  

“Pasta is good.  How can I help?”  Steve had already rolled his own sleeves up, ready to assist.  Phil got a strange look on his face, but Steve let it go when Phil told him to fill a pot with water.  It was pretty easy after that, kind of domestic actually.  Steve didn’t ever get to cook with anyone, so this was kind of nice.  They moved around each other with ease and by the time the pasta was on plates along with a  salad that was mostly slightly soft peppers and a cucumber, Steve was feeling a bit warm and shiny.  

They took dinner at a small table Phil had pushed up against a wall.  At this point they switched to a bottle of red wine.  The conversation wound up back at the team and Steve thought he was telling Coulson something new. “… and then we walk in and he’s got a wife and two kids.”  Coulson smiled.  “You knew.”

“Of course I knew, I was his handler.”  Coulson rolled his eyes and for some reason Steve liked that.  The excess boyish energy of a man meeting his hero was wearing off in favor of whoever Phil Coulson actually was.  “His daughter looks just like him.”  Phil smiled a little, clearly thinking of some great memory.  “He traveled 16 hours straight, five of them in a dune buggy in Egypt, to get home for her birth.  He was deep under when his son was born.”  It was clearly a tender subject and Barton’s boy was at least eight so whatever it was hadn’t happened that long ago.  

“He seems like a devoted father and husband.”  For Steve, that was one of the highest compliments he could pay a man.  He had tremendous respect for Clint Barton and what he’d managed to create.  “Natasha said he’s had a third… another son.”  Steve pulled out his phone and came close to show Phil the photo Clint had texted them when Nathaniel was born.  Coulson seemed taken with the photo, and Steve gave Phil the phone.  “There are two others.”  He showed Coulson each of them.  “I like that one.”  Steve nodded at a photo of the entire family.  

Coulson cleared his throat and handed the phone back to Steve.  “Can I get you more?”  He nodded to Steve’s plate, but Phil didn’t actually look at him.  

“Sure.”  Steve gave Coulson the space he seemed to need.  

“Clint won’t speak to me,” Coulson confided.  “But if you speak to him, tell him congratulations.”  It was more than obvious that Coulson hurt like hell over Clint.  

“Yeah, of course.  Is there anything on?  Do you follow baseball?”  It turned out that while Steve was a Yankees fan, Coulson was a Red Sox fan and they ended up going a few rounds teasing each other before Phil pulled up an old game of the teams facing each other.  Whisky had given way to wine, which had given way to beer with the game.  Steve was drinking more than Coulson by a fair bit, but the guy was starting to get lit.  He loosened his tie then pulled it off and popped a few buttons.  

Then came Phil’s glasses.  Those were a surprise when he came back from the bathroom with thick black frames sitting on his face.  “That’s still jarring,” Steve confided.  He didn’t often see someone who didn’t need glasses wind up with frames.  “They’re nice, though.”  Steve nodded a little then picked up his beer.  “Sox are up.  How could I guess that you’d pick a game where they’d win?”  

Phil flopped down on the couch, stretching out his legs in front of him.  “Why else would I show it to you?”  Coulson’s boyish grin was endearing in the way Bucky’s was.  They finished watching the game, Phil getting progressively more pleased as the game progressed.  “Did you ever get to go to any games when you were young?”  

“A couple.  I wanted to go more, though.  We’d sit and listen to them on the radio.  I remember that Mrs. Wallace had the best reception in the building, so if you wanted to make sure you heard everything, you’d go to her place and offer to do chores if you could listen to the game.”  Bucky was the one who was usually doing the chores, but she’d make Steve read to her from the Bible sometimes.  He’d never much liked that, but when an old blind lady asks you to read her Bible to her, you do it.  

“We could get you a box, you know.  You wouldn’t have to be in the stands.”  Steve supposed Phil was concerned about him getting mobbed when he was recognized.  That not withstanding, Steve would still  prefer to see a game the normal way.  

“If the Red Sox and Yankees play each other, we will go together.”  They agreed on it and finished their beers before parting ways.  Steve ran home feeling lighter for having spent his night with a friend.  Steve supposed he could call Coulson that.  Or at least maybe they could be friends.  Steve could use a friend or two.  


	2. Chapter 2

Melinda May could be a very mean woman when she set her mind to it.  For the next two weeks, she made Phil’s life hell.  Everywhere he turned, he was getting shit, and Phil grinned and bore it the whole time.  Eventually, though, he was able to escape her for four days on base, which meant he’d be able to be without Melinda glaring at him every minute.  He loved her deeply and would take a bullet for her without a second thought.  That didn’t mean she couldn’t be a total bitch from time to time.  “Agent Coulson, you’re back.”  Phil looked up from where he was, working on the bag to get out some aggression.  It was one of the first things he did when he got back.  He dropped off his stuff, changed into gym clothes, and came here to kick the crap out of some equipment.  

Phil looked up, unable to keep the smile from his face when he saw it was Steve Rogers talking to him.  “I’ve got four days.”  Steve looked amazing, but then Steve had always looked amazing.  Phil typically dated women, but there had been exemptions.  Hell, his closest exception ended up being Hydra.  Though Natasha did kick him off a roof for Phil.  Once she’d calmed down a little from finding out he wasn’t dead, they’d sat and talked a few times.  “You want the bag?”  

Steve shook his head and came up to hold the bag for Phil.  “You look like you need it.  Your right hand giving you trouble?  May?”  He nodded and put his hands up, ready to hit.  “Women can be tough,” Steve pointed out as Phil hit the bag.  He might have been showing off a little bit, trying to hit harder than he needed to because it was Captain America holding the bag and he didn’t want to seem like a wimp.  Phil wasn’t in top form anymore.  He was just… middle aged.  He was in better shape than most guys his age, but he was still just a middle aged guy.  “Square out your elbow.”  Phil’s brows creased and Steve stepped around to move his arm into the posture he wanted.  “It gives you a little more torque and you can really follow through with your upper cuts.”  

Phil was mostly a _hit them so hard they don’t get up_ kind of guy, but he did need to fight for longer sometimes so a little brush up was always appreciated.  “How about you?  How is your right hand?”  

“She’s nervous.  We still haven’t heard from Bruce.”  Phil worried about that too.  Getting off the grid was what Banner did, though.  As long as he didn’t go green, he’d stay that way.  “Other than that, good.  She has been taking the new Avengers under her wing.”  Phil knew mama bird Natasha all too well.  It wasn’t that she was all sunshine and fresh baked cookies, but when Natasha cared, it was deep and it was long term.  That was the only reason she was still speaking to him and Phil was grateful for it every day.  

“Tea.”  Phil’s knuckles were starting to hurt, but he’d be damned if he was going to stop punching as long as it meant he got to hang out with Steve a little.  “She likes a good, dark tea.  Nothing floral.  And sugar cubes.  Make it take some time.  She just needs to breathe for a couple of minutes.  She may not speak at all or she may open up to you.”  Phil kept punching.  

“You really know her.”  Phil nodded.  “Will you be seeing her while you’re here?”

“I hope so.”  Phil had to take a breather and Steve slid a cold bottle of water into his hand.  “It depends on how she is at the moment.  Some days we’re fine… others not so much.”  It hurt like hell that he didn’t have her as a friend, but again… he understood.  Phil had made the choices he felt he had to and it had lost him so much over the years it was getting hard to calculate.  He gave Steve a quick, tight smile, trying not to let how much he agonized over Clint and Natasha show.  

“She’ll forgive you eventually.”  It was clear from his tone that Steve believed that.  Phil did not, but he lived in hope.  He stepped back and put his hands up.  “You’re near done, aren’t you?”  Phil floundered a minute.  He didn’t want to be done if there was a chance of talking to Steve.  “I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink later.  I know this place with a nice bartender.”  If it had been from anyone other than Steve Rogers, it might have been flirting.  

“Yeah, that would be great actually.  I was going to grab a steam before I go.”  Phil moved to go, but stopped.  “Unless you need a spotter.”  Steve laughed and Phil gave him a little nod before heading in the direction of the locker room.  It was an off time, so it was unlikely that anyone was going to come in.  That was the only reason he was willing to go shirtless in public.  Otherwise it ended up with people either asking too many questions or staring.  He turned to go, totally naked, to find Steve standing in the doorway of the locker room. “Jesus.” 

“Sorry,” Steve looked away, blushing hard as Phil scrambled to get his towel totally fixed around his waist.  “I came to ask you about a time.  I didn’t mean to startle you.”  Phil could feel Steve’s eyes on the scar and if he could do it without risking his towel, Phil would have crossed his arms.  

“I honestly have no idea what time it is.  I’ve been in eight time zones in the last three days.”  Phil felt awkward as hell, just standing there in a towel.  And it was weird that Steve was just staring at him.  “The scar?”

“I’m sorry,” Steve immediately looked away, clearly annoyed with himself for staring.  “That was so rude.”  

“… I get it.  You can look.”  Phil was horrified that he was saying it, but if anyone got to see this other than May, it was going to be his boyhood, and teenage, young adult, 20 something, and middle aged crush.  Steve’s curiosity was greater than his need for discretion and he came closer, eyes tracing the brutal scarring over Phil’s chest.  Whenever someone got a glimpse, Phil could almost feel the scepter sliding under his shoulder and through his heart.  They’d used the word _shredded_ to describe his heart, his chest.  Phil had that rolling nausea that came with thinking about Loki.  

“We should have been there to back you up.”  Steve’s face was so earnest, so open and upset that Phil had to take a few moments to gather himself.  

“None of you knew what was going to happen.  Even Thor didn’t know until … “ Phil tapped his scar with one finger.  “And I did come back to life,” Phil pointed out softly, trying to joke.  

“I’m glad you did.”  Steve’s hand clasped around Phil’s bicep and Phil’s entire body clenched.  Steve Roger’s hand was on his bare bicep.  And it slid down to his elbow, staying there just a little too long.  From the way Steve stepped back a little too quickly, he clearly just remembered social distances.  “Can I see your back?”  Phil felt a like a rotisserie chicken up for inspection, but he turned, glad he couldn’t see Steve’s face.  

“That one’s actually worse from what they told me.”  Phil didn’t look at that side of his scar often, but from the way Steve’s breath paused for a little too long, he assumed it still looked like shit.  

“… does it still hurt?”  Phil might not be able to see Steve, but he could feel the heat from his palm sitting a few inches away from Phil’s back.  It might have been stupid and immature, but Phil shifted back just then, pressing his back to Steve’s hand before standing back up.  

“Sometimes.”  Phil’s heart was racing, his whole body was tight.  Steve had jerked his hand back.  

“Sorry, I didn’t mean…. “  Steve had pressed himself to the lockers and shifted away, Phil noticed.  That was interesting.  

“Don’t worry about it.”  Phil gave Steve a smile.  “So you came in here to ask what time you should come over.”  Steve was clearly relieved at the reprieve and after they decided on the time, Steve excused himself quickly and left Phil really, really curious.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve brought a bottle of the whisky Coulson liked at the agreed time, actually he was a little early so he waited in the hall just thinking.  Touching Phil Coulson earlier this evening had sparked off some feelings Steve thought were long dead.  It had been decades since he’d last touched a man and Steve was still very upset with himself over the fact that he’d had two homosexual encounters in his life.  Neither of them went farther than hands on johnsons, but that had been more than enough.  Steve was disappointed with himself for having that feeling touched off and wondered if it was a good idea to even go inside right now.  

“Holding up the wall,” Phil asked from his doorway, startling Steve.  

“I was early.”  

“I wouldn’t have minded.”  Phil was in a t-shirt that showed off his arms and pajama pants ending in bare feet. Steve swallowed and tried hard not to blush.  

“Good to know for the future.”  Steve held out the square bottle to Phil and he gave Steve a smile that made Steve really think he needed to run.  

“Come on in.  I threw together some nachos.”  Thank goodness for Coulson’s ability to make smooth transitions with an ease that really was endearing.  “Thought we could watch a game.”  Coulson could have suggested pretty much anything right now and Steve would have agreed just to keep them moving away from Steve’s emotions.  He’d struggled with this and hated himself for giving in in the past, but times were different now.  

“A game sounds great.”  

“How do you feel about basketball?  Knicks vs. the Celtics.”  Phil was clearly excited by the prospect, so Steve nodded.  “Great.  Sit down.  I’ll grab us some beer and glasses for the whisky.”  Steve didn’t usually drink as much as he seemed to around Phil, but it seemed like Phil actually drank a lot.  Steve knew the feeling of coming back from the dead and how bad that could mess with a guy.  

He took a seat, looking over to Phil as he bent to dig in the refrigerator.  Steve averted his eyes quickly, looking at the TV screen with a pre game show going on.  There were scantily clad women dancing and shaking their rear ends.  Everywhere he looked it appeared there was sex.  Sometimes it was overwhelming to see that much nudity or sexuality, not that he was a prude, but usually that was reserved for people you cared about when he’d grown up.  

Phil plopped down on the sofa next to Steve, nodding at the screen.  “Too much?  I can flip over until the game actually starts.”  

“No, not at all.  Just… it’s a little embarrassing to watch something like that with another person, and that whole crowd is there, only part of them actually watching the girls dance.  I just don’t understand it.”  Steve looked over to see Phil nodding along.  

“It’s antiquated,” he agreed.  “And pretty sexist, actually.  I’ve never liked it.”  Steve was glad Phil agreed and he flipped over to a show with an English lady trying to tame other people’s children.  “… what horrible children.  My mother would have slapped me in the face if I’d spoken to her like that.”  

“Mine had a wooden spoon she’d whack me with when I got out of line.  You can’t do that anymore, though.  I think we’re too soft on kids now.  Not that I think you should beat kids, just… they need to have more backbone.”  Steve and Phil talked about the youth of today like two old men grousing until the game came on.  After that it was mostly beers opening and Phil cursing when the Celtics missed a basket.  Steve also watched as Phil adjusted himself once or twice after surging forward at a good play.  That meant that sometimes the fabric bunched over his groin and Steve could see that Phil was big.  Quite big actually.  Steve got a glimpse of it along with all of Coulson’s torso that day and it had been on Steve’s mind ever since.  And it wasn’t only because of those scars.  

Once he’d noticed it, Steve had a hard time keeping his eyes off of it.  By halftime, Phil had finished off three beers and looked pleasantly buzzed.  “I realized that I know very little about you.  Care to tell me a little bit about yourself?”  This way, if Coulson was talking, Steve could stay focused on the man’s face.  That, though, was really difficult because once Steve’s mind hooked onto it, he struggled to let it go.  “Have you ever been married?”  

“Close once,” Phil told Steve.  “Actually you knew him.”  It was clear this was uncomfortable for Coulson and he was summoning up courage.  Steve regretted asking now.  “Natasha kicked him off a roof, apparently.  I would have done a lot worse.”  Steve was shocked that Agent Coulson and Agent Sitwell were together, that either of them were queer.  “Sorry, does that bother you?”  Agent Coulson shifted away a bit and Steve felt instantly regretful for showing that shock.  

“No… I know things are different now.”  Steve leaned closer.  “Even before it wouldn’t have bothered me.”  He felt strange talking about this so openly.  “I’m sorry … about Agent Sitwell.”

“Jasper got what he deserved.”  Of that Phil seemed certain.  He also seemed very angry.  That was instantly covered up by the smile Phil used to hide his real emotions.  It had come out before when he was talking about Agent May.  

“Still, it must have been difficult.  Were you still involved when he…”  

Phil shook his head.  “No, I was with Audrey when I died.”  That was so strange to hear.  “Jasper and I were together in the academy and then for a couple of years after.”  All of it was a little dizzying and Steve nodded as Phil also told him about a relationship he’d had with Agent May.  Phil was open with Steve and Steve found himself wondering if Phil was someone he could actually speak to about these sorts of things.  “I haven’t been in any relationships since I came back.”  

“I’d imagine you have bigger things to deal with than a relationship.”  Phil nodded, but looked melancholy.  “Sore subject?”  

“I don’t regret the choices I’ve made, well most of them.  I did it for S.H.I.E.L.D. or I did it because it was the right thing to do, but sometimes doing the right thing can get lonely.”  Phil’s words resonated so completely with Steve that he found his breath gone.  All he could do was nod.  “Are you ok,” Phil asked Steve softly, brows knit in concern.  “Is it hot in here?  You’re flushed.”  

“No, I’m fine.”  Steve put his hand out to stop Phil from standing up, his fingers landing on Phil’s hip.  He could feel the elastic at the waist of Phil’s pajama pants and the heat of Phil’s skin through the fabric of his t-shirt.  Instead of taking the gesture as a _stop, you don’t have to get up_ , Phil seemed to have interpreted it as something flirtatious.  Both of their hearts were pounding, and Steve couldn’t stop staring at Phil.  The game had started up again, but they just sat there, Phil’s fingers running up the inside of Steve’s forearm.  It made Steve bite his cheek hard enough to taste blood.  

“It’s ok.”  Phil nodded slowly, his fingers running up to touch Steve’s bicep.  “Steve…”  He knew he must look a wreck, but even as he drew his hand back from Phil’s hip, he couldn’t shake the feeling of Phil’s heat under his fingers.  “Really, it’s ok.”  Phil’s fingers came to grip Steve’s shoulder, squeezing it.  “Have you always…”  Steve nodded, averting his eyes.  “Bucky?”  Steve’s posture tightened and he stayed very still before giving a quick nod.  “I’m sorry.”  Phil reached out and took Steve’s hand between both of his.  Sparks shot up Steve’s arms and into his chest, setting off explosions of sensation in his gut, his fingertips, his lips.  “Do you want to stop talking about this and watch the rest of the game?”  

It took all the courage he had to take a deep breath and shake his head no.  


	4. Chapter 4

Phil could not believe for one second that he wasn’t being at least a little put on.  At first that was exactly what it felt like.  Maybe Natasha was trying to use Steve to light Phil up.  Maybe Steve really was angry with him for not revealing he was alive.  It all went away, though, the second Steve’s fingers touched his hip.  The sparks were immediate, making every bit of Phil light up and scream _THIS IS REAL_.  “… it was very different when you were growing up.”  Phil needed to find a way in and that seemed the easiest.  “And you know how far we’ve come.”  

“But they keep pushing for more,” Steve said softly, finally looking up.  This was a guy who could defeat Red Skull and Loki and Ultron, and yet talking about being with another man was petrifying him.  

“Yeah, we do.  I remember when gay bars were still getting raided, reading about Stonewall in the Voice…”  Phil gave Steve a quick rundown of The Stonewall Riots and explained about the Village Voice, getting little nods from Steve.  “And now we’re in courts fighting for the right to marry.  It’s been a hell of a trip, I’ll tell you.” Steve looked like he was going to cry or run out of the room, but he stayed there.  “It’s not wrong.”  Phil reached out to take Steve’s hand again, squeezing it.  The breath Steve took in made Phil feel lightheaded, like Steve had just sucked all the oxygen out of the room.  Steve didn’t pull his hand back, in fact he turned it over in Phil’s and looked up at him with that same sincerity that got Phil right in the gut every time.  

“That’s what people say now, that it’s not wrong.  Homosexuals were born like that… do you believe it?”  

There was hope in Steve’s voice and Phil would have no issue agreeing with him.  “I believe that for most gays, that is the case.  I know it is for me.  I tried to change when I was younger.”  But then he’d met Jasper and things went a little haywire from there.  “No matter how hard I tried, I am who I am.”  They were still holding hands, Steve’s fingers now exploring Phil’s hands.  It made him shiver, though Phil did the best he could to tamp that down. “I got to a point where whatever I was fighting it for wasn’t worth the amazing things that could come just from me being honest.”  

“And things have been… ok for you?”  

Steve swallowed thickly and Phil reached down to get the man’s drink. He filled it more than halfway with whisky and handed it off to Steve.  “Yes.  I’ve had homophobic pricks say things, but when you can kick the shit out of them without breaking a sweat, it usually ends pretty quickly.”  Steve smiled at him and Phil was so grateful for it that he nearly hugged Steve.  “No one suspects that guys who look like Jasper and I could fight like we do.”  

“Guys who look like you?”  

“Dead average or less.  It’s usually the really good looking guys who want to prove something who try you.”  Phil shrugged.  “It never lasts long and there’s something really satisfying about making a homophobe cry.”  Steve laughed at that, Phil liking the way it made his face relax.  They were still holding hands, Steve gripping tight.  “I was pretty young when I first figured it out.  I mean not young for today.  There are kids figuring out they’re gay at five.  I was thirteen.  Pretty young for the time.”  Phil could remember same sex attraction, but he’d always put that down to puberty or curiosity.  And he had no idea his love for Captain America was really attraction and arousal.  

“Seventeen,” Steve supplied.  “He worked at the news stand where I sometimes picked up hours.”  Phil smiled, trying to encourage Steve.  Clearly he’d never or very rarely ever talked about this.  “I didn’t realize what it was until he ….”  Phil’s mind went dirty.  It went very dirty and he tried his best to keep that out of his expression.  “He kissed me one night after we’d closed down the news stand.  Right inside the booth.”  Steve’s fingers twitched in Phil’s hands.  “He smelled like ink and exhaust fumes.”  Clearly Steve hadn’t thought about this memory in years.  

“That was bold of him.”  Steve nodded, hand slipping away.  It was a loss to Phil, but he understood.  It was hard for Steve to talk about this as it was, and here he was holding hands with a man.  

“It was.  I never understood how he got up the courage to take it over the line.”  Steve’s brow was creased and Phil wanted to run his thumb over it to soften the deep groove.  Instead, he just listened.  “I was always too much of a coward.”  Steve looked at his hands, picking at one nail.  “I looked him up when I came to.  He was dead, Peggy was in a nursing home….”  Steve was dealing with a lot, and most of it wasn’t good.  Phil felt for the guy.  He’d been there, done that.  “And all of this is so different.”  Steve’s openness was surprising, but it felt good that Steve was that comfortable with him.  

“I don’t think I’ve ever been able to say how sorry I am for what you’ve been through.”  Phil gave Steve a sad little smile but stopped himself from putting his hand out.  “And I also didn’t get the chance to tell you that I’d help you with anything you need.”  Steve nodded, clearly grateful and clearly unable to speak just yet.  The man took the whole glass of whisky in one go, coughing when he was done to the point Coulson came over to gently thump his back.  “Ok?”  Phil’s hand rested in the middle of Steve’s back, absently rubbing as he found his concern for Steve really building.  

Steve was crouched over still, catching his breath.  Coulson’s hand moved up Steve’s back between his shoulder blades then to his shoulder, thumb brushing the nape of Steve’s neck.  The man shuddered hard, but he pushed into the touch.  Phil fought with himself for about two seconds before he did the same thing.  And, again, Steve pressed back against his hand.  Phil tried to tell himself it was incredibly stupid, but his hand moved to the nape of Steve’s neck, barely touching it until Steve leaned back.  Phil could hear a sound cut off low in Steve’s throat just under the noise of the game still playing on the TV.  His fingers crept up into the short hair at the back of Steve’s head, the man dropping his head low so Phi’s fingers could really touch.  

It went on like that for some time, Phil moving the touch along slowly as Steve chased it, pressing his body back into Phil’s hand.  Eventually it became hand _s_.  Phil settled them at Steve’s shoulders, digging his thumbs into the tense column of muscles between his shoulders and up the back of his neck.  Strong was not the word for Steve’s muscles, and Phil had to use a lot of force to get them to yield.  Phil was nothing if not determined, though.  He worked on Steve’s neck and upper back until the man reached back to touch Phil’s knee.  It traveled up, never higher than Phil’s lower thigh, but still that must have been a lot for Steve.  

Phil’s hand stayed on Steve’s shoulder as he came around, facing the man.  At some point tears had started to fall and the front of Steve’s shirt was wet from their quiet landings.  Phil reached out slowly, giving Steve every chance in the world to stop him before it happened.  Steve didn’t budge, though.  Instead he just looked at Phil with the clearest, saddest blue eyes Phil had ever seen.  He reached out to touch Steve’s cheek, then his throat, watching Steve bite his bottom lip hard.  Phil wouldn’t have thought it could get puffier or more inviting, and yet here it was.  Phil continued to touch Steve, fingertips just barely brushing the man’s soft skin. Steve pressed into the touches, making Phil put more pressure.  

Steve was the one to lean in, the one to move into Phil’s space and brush their lips together for the first time.  Phil suspected that he kind of had to let it happen that way so Steve could feel some real sense of ownership of the moment.  The kiss itself was brief, but it got to Phil, making him want to surge forward and pin Steve down.  Phil held himself back, taking Steve’s shaking hands and holding them tightly between his own.  “It’s been a long time.”  Steve’s words made Phil so sad for the man.

“This doesn’t have to be anything more than what you want it to be.”  Phil continued to hold Steve’s hands and his gaze.  “I’m here for the next four days so there is no rush to do anything you’re not prepared for.”  Phil could feel the need on Steve, and even if it was more because Steve had just found someone he could talk to about a really hard thing to deal with, Phil wouldn’t turn him away.  Later, when he was hurting and alone, he’d curse himself, but right now there was zero chance he wouldn’t welcome Steve into his bed whenever Steve wanted.  “You don’t have to know what you want, either.  You’re entitled just to think about it.”  

Steve nodded, but didn’t wait before he kissed Phil again.  The rest of the night was that, just kissing.  By the end of the night, both of their mouths were swollen and red.  They parted ways a few hours after the game finished, both half hard.  At some point, Steve pulled Phil on top of him and they were able to get a really nice slow grind going.  And that was exactly what Phil thought about as he sat down on the couch and pulled himself out of his pajama pants.  There was no porn, no sound, nothing other than the thought of Steve Rogers underneath him while they kissed and ground on each other.  Phil came, head back as he quietly gasped Steve’s name, the feel of soft blond locks still vivid on his fingertips. 


	5. Chapter 5

Steve got back to his bunk and stood against the door for awhile, just trying to catch his breath.  What the hell had he just done?  Why did he allow himself to give in, to even talk about what he had done?  He’d laid in bed awake all night, unable to shake the feeling of Phil Coulson’s hands on his back.  The next morning, Steve hit the gym hard to try to work off some of the pent up energy.  Steve thought he might actually have it under control until he came out for a run and saw Sam and Phil playing basketball.  The second he saw Phil, his arms bare this time, Steve felt like he’d been punched in the gut.  This wasn’t right.  “Hey, Steve,” Sam saw him and waved him over.  Phil turned, smiling when he saw Steve.  He really did have a nice smile. 

“Want to take over for me?  I just got a call from Wanda.”  Sam passed the ball to Steve and jogged past.  “Don’t underestimate him.  Coulson’s a shark.”  Sam winked at Phil then jogged off as he pulled his phone out, dialing Wanda back no doubt.  

“Hi,” Phil greeted him.  “Do you?  Want to play?”  

“I… sure.”  Steve knew the basics, and he knew he could easily beat Coulson, but that wasn’t the point.  He took it easy on the guy, but Phil didn’t do the same to him.  It was totally clear that Phil was doing his best to show off.  He’d done that in the gym yesterday as well.  “You have an eye for it,” Steve said as Phil sunk another basket.  

“I was always good at geometry.”  Phil winked at him and Steve felt that same tug, that shock of arousal, grab him low and pull.  “How are you doing today?”  Phil let Steve take the ball out and was a beast when he guarded, not resisting a few full body pushes.  

“… ok.”  Now that Steve knew what Phil’s lips tasted like and how it felt to have Phil’s cock grow against his thigh, it was hard for Steve to look at him.  “What we said… and … all of it, it’s between us, right?”

Phil stopped for a moment, glancing around.  “Of course.  You can trust me to keep your secrets, Steve.”  Phil didn’t touch him, but the look on his face might as well have been a caress.  “And my offer to help any way I can stands.”  Phil stole the ball and took it out, giving Steve a moment to think.  “I was going to cook tonight.  I managed to make it to the grocery store and have actual food in the house.”  Phil made a shot from the three point line and made it relatively easily.  “Do you like stir fry?”  

Steve and Phil finished the game then Steve went to do his work and Phil went to do his vacation stuff.  It seemed like Phil hadn’t had any time to himself in a very long time.  He was excited to read a book instead of reports, and to watch a movie instead of footage of something horrible.  He just got to be a guy, that’s what he’d told Steve.  When they parted, Steve insisted on bringing something and Phil told him if he could find some baijiu that he wouldn’t say no.  So Steve had made it his mission.  It had taken a lot of doing, but at 8 o’clock on the dot, Steve stood in front of Phil’s door with the liquor and a racing heart.  Steve couldn’t stop thinking about Phil’s hand on the back of his neck, in his hair.  He tried to tamp it down and knocked on the door because he wasn’t going to be a coward.  

“You found some!”  Phil seemed genuinely happy at Steve’s find, which made Steve so pleased he’d been able to find it.  Coulson had this smile that showed genuine appreciation and Steve liked being the object of that smile.  “Come on in.”  The place smelled good, like Phil had been puttering and cleaning while he cooked.  “I marinated some beef and shrimp.  I have chicken if you’re not into either of those.”

“I eat pretty much anything,” Steve told Coulson.  The door was shut and Steve found that he was really nervous.  He’d come over here wondering if Phil would touch him again, but was unable to actually ask for it or even acknowledge it.  “How can I help?”  

“Find us some music.  I like to cook to music.”  So that was how they ended up listening to Ella Fitzgerald while Phil heated the oil.  The man hummed along, moving gently to the rhythm of the song.  Phil looked happy, like this was exactly what he wanted to be doing on his vacation.  “Good choice.  I love strong female singers.”  For the next half hour or so while they were chopping and cooking, they mostly made small talk.  It was nice, just bumping around a kitchen with someone.  It was the first time in a long time that Steve didn’t feel adrift.  Phil felt like he was holding Steve in place, tethering him down, and Steve needed it. 

Phil was polite enough to wait until they’d finished eating dinner to bring up the night before.  “I’m glad you came.  I was worried that after last night you might be reticent.  I’m glad you’re not.”  Phil reached out and took Steve’s hand.  The exact same electric shock feelings went up and down Steve’s arm as Phil held his hand.  Steve looked away, shocked at his own body’s reaction to so simple a gesture.  “Steve?”  Steve met Phil’s eyes and Phil smiled softly.  

“I’m ok.  It’s just… I guess I’m nervous.”  

“You don’t have to be.  Like I told you…”  Phil opened his mouth to reassure Steve again, but instead Steve reached out and pulled Coulson closer to kiss him.  It was chaste at first, more to get him to shut up than anything, but Phil deepened it, swiping the tip of his tongue over Steve’s bottom lip.  Phil came around from his side of the table and pulled Steve to stand up so they could get closer.  Steve thought about Phil’s bare arms and the way his hands had touched Steve when he was guarding him during the game.  

“Phil…”  Steve’s voice was sliced by razors.  It was really just that he was holding himself back from doing far more than kissing.  Steve had dreams about Phil Coulson last night that left him with a big damp spot on his sheets this morning.  Phil’s hand ran down Steve’s back, settling in the small.  It felt almost like Phil was treating him like the girl, but it was clear by the way Phil’s hip was working against Steve’s prick that Phil very much knew he was a man.  The kisses turned softer, almost playful and Steve just couldn’t catch his breath.  “I’ve never been kissed like that,” Steve whispered to Phil as their foreheads pressed together.  “Wow.”  

Phil smiled broadly, nearly beamed at the compliment and it was then Steve’s turn to run his hand down to the small of Phil’s back.  They stood there in the middle of Phil’s little kitchen area, just holding onto each other.  Steve hadn’t felt that calm in a very long time.  Phil’s fingers stroked softly, music playing from earlier in the background.  Phil started to sway them and Steve fell in without a second thought.  It went like that until the record stopped, just him and Phil swaying and kissing in the middle of Phil’s tiny kitchen.  


	6. Chapter 6

It was a delicate balance, being Steve’s liaison into all things queer.  Like right now, all Phil wanted to do was suck Steve off, but they were stalled out at dry humping and kissing.  Phil was dying waiting for Steve’s next move, but he didn’t want to rush or push.  Steve’s fingers moved down slowly and Phil thought for a moment they were going to get somewhere, but then they moved back up.  He kept telling himself that he’d figure it out, if he had to deal with blue balls for awhile, it was worth it to help Steve.  “Want to go sit on the couch?”  Phil was happy with that request at least.  

“Sure.”  Phil lead Steve to the couch and sat, jokingly patting his lap.  Steve, however, took it as an invitation and moved down to straddle Phil’s lap, sitting back and reaching to the hem of his shirt.  “Let me.”  Phil took over from Steve, raising his shirt up and over his head before Phil got a great view of Steve’s chest.  His hands moved up over Steve’s pecs and down to his arms.  This was good, it was more than kissing, and while he had no ability to control the fact he was getting hard, it didn’t seem to bother Steve.  There was no way he wasn’t going to feel it once Phil really got going.  

It turned out that Steve’s pecs were incredibly sensitive and his nipples even more so.  That made Phil focus on them.  Steve was filling out, his cock clear through the fabric of his jeans.  Phil fought every urge that presented itself, demanding that he wrap his fingers around Steve’s cock.  Steve’s voice wrapped around Phil’s name again, but this time he moaned it almost directly into Phil’s ear.  That was when things got uncomfortable in the groin area.  Steve was really working Phil’s nerves over, not to mention the way the man rocked unconsciously when Phi’s mouth outlined Steve’s pec.  Steve apparently caught a rhythm he liked and started to really push into it.  Phil leaned back, moaning as Steve kissed his throat and stroked down his arms.  

Steve shifted the wrong way and it got a groan from Phil.  “Sorry.  Too much?”  

Phil smiled and leaned up to kiss Steve long and sweet.  “No.  It’s just getting snug,” Phil adjusted himself a little and Steve’s eyes were glued to his bulge.  His fingers massaged the small of Steve’s back and the man started to rock again.

“I could take them off of you.”  Steve blushed deeply, backing off but Phil followed him, kissing Steve again before his hands took Steve’s and put them on his belt.  Steve stood there, his hands frozen for a moment before he went on, making Phil think for a moment that he was actually going to stop.  While Phil would have honored Steve’s wishes, he would have fucking hated it.  He felt Steve pull at his belt then push his pants to the ground.  

Steve pulled back a little, looking at Coulson, eyes tasting his legs, fingers just barely brushing Phil’s bicep.  He nodded at Steve’s groin, brow raised.  “How about you?  Too tight?”  Steve nodded and Phil reached out, feeling Steve’s stomach jump at the touch.  He took his time, catching Steve’s lips as Phil’s fingers opened the buckle.  As he unzipped Steve’s pants, Phil’s mouth rounded Steve’s throat and then down over one pec.  That was how he wound up in his boxers and socks with Captain America.  No, Phil corrected.  He was here with Steve Rogers.  

Instead of going back to the couch, Phil chanced taking Steve’s hand and leading him to the bed.  Steve paused, looking nervously at Steve.  “It doesn’t have to be anything more than what we were doing on the couch.  It’s just easier to move on the bed.”  Plus, then, if Steve did want more, they didn’t have to move.  Steve clearly gave it a little bit of thought before following Phil into bed.  Phil laid back and held his hands out to Steve, trying to be as non-threatening as he could.  

Steve looked angelic as he came closer, the light hitting him from behind and bringing up shafts of white blond in his hair.  It was clear Steve was warring with himself, but as soon as he put his knee on the bed, he looked like a weight had been lifted from him.  He came to Phil easily, resting in and overwhelming the bed.  There was no way they couldn’t touch in the bed, but it didn’t seem like Steve was particularly cared about that.  He relaxed when he settled in next to Phil, his hand running down Steve’s undershirt.  Steve’s lips ran down the side of Phil’s throat as the man’s hand ran over his stomach.  Phil thought he was going to pass out.  It was like Steve’s hand completed a circuit, and from the way Steve gasped a little, Steve felt it too.

“Do you think I could lay on top of you?”  Steve was blushing, but Phil nodded without a second thought.  They were still in boxers and undershirts, but it was a huge step in the right direction as far as Phil was concerned.  His thighs opened so Steve could nestle in against Phil, their cocks pressing through the thin cotton of their boxers.  “My God.”  Steve’s head hit Phil’s shoulder and he was shocked by the language, but also by the way Steve shuddered and then caught a rhythm.  Clearly he was worked up and Phil wasn’t going to try to stop him.  Instead he let his hands run up under the back of Steve’s shirt.  

Phil drew Steve back into a kiss and the man’s hips slowed down a little.  That was good to know.  Steve could be distracted with a hand rubbing the small of his back or Phil’s lips running over the dimple in his chin.  Steve hitched one of Phil’s legs up, holding him as close as he could while Steve rubbed them together.  It would be a hell of a lot easier without the fabric, but Phil got that they were going in stages… however painful that might be.  Steve seemed to find a good way to rub and went with it for a few moments, drawing a deep groan out of both of them.  The wet spots they both had going were impressive, and eventually Phil turned them over so he was on top.  

At first Steve got a little nervous, but then Phil shifted and showed him how good it could feel either way.  “Phil, I’m gonna….”  Steve’s hand gripped Phil’s bicep pretty hard, but Phil didn’t stop moving, rocking with Steve all the way through his orgasm and then past.  The smell of sex the man put out was pungent and made Phil’s cock jerk.  Steve let go, blinking up at Phil.  “Wh… what about you?”  Steve’s fingers touched Phil’s hip, just barely brushing one fingertip under the band.  The curiosity nearly poured off of the man, and Phil reached out to bring him up into a slow, sweet kiss.  

“Well… either I can excuse myself for a minute and….”

“I want to touch you.”  The declaration was clear and it didn’t surprise Phil one bit.  Wether it was his sense of fairness or Steve’s need to know, Phil didn’t care.  He just nodded, giving Steve all the permission he needed to wrap that big hand around Phil’s cock.  Now was the moment that things could go horribly wrong.  But instead of fleeing, Steve let out a groan and squeezed Phil’s cock.  Steve’s breath tickled Phil’s throat as the man groaned again, stroking Phil’s cock and rustling the fabric up until Steve’s hand slid boldly through the slit.  

“Steve.”  Phil’s fingers ran up under Steve’s shirt again, pulling it up.  Steve pulled up his own shirt and threw it aside.  “God.”  Phil’s mouth ran around the edge of Steve’s pec then down his abs because this man’s chest was a work of art.  His hands moved up Steve’s back while the man slid his hand up the leg of Phil’s boxers until Steve’s fingers were brushing Phil’s balls.  He didn’t seem put off at all and Steve’s hand crept higher to the base of Phil’s cock.  

“Can I take you out?”  Steve’s lips closed on the lobe of Phil’s ear as he nodded vigorously and moved to help Steve pull his cock out.  “Wow.”  Phil was kind of used to this and it could either go really well or really poorly.  “That’s… huge.”  Phil watched Steve look at his cock, eyes running up and down, blinking rapidly and, Phil was glad to see, licking his lips.  

“It’s been mentioned before.”  Phil wasn’t the kind of guy to go out and swing his dick around, so not many people understood.  It was a pain in the ass most of the time and had resulted in him bottoming pretty much every time he had sex outside of his relationship with Jasper who was a huge size queen and made Phil feel filthy sometimes.  “You don’t have to….”  But Steve was already wrapping his hand around Phil’s cock, then his other hand, and really exploring it.  “God you’ve got strong hands.”  Steve took it as the compliment it was meant to be and started to really use those hands.  Now that he had Phil’s cock bare, he wasn’t shy about handling him.  Phil was actually really pleased with that because being good was getting really hard.  

“Is it ok?”  Steve looked at him with an impossibly sweet gaze that made Phil want to spend the next three days in bed with this man.  

“It’s amazing.”  Phil pulled Steve into a kiss, forgoing the stroking for a moment so he could show Steve that this was ok.  “I’m getting close, though.”  Steve nodded, clearly knowing what he was in for.  Phil laid back and let Steve stroke, not closing his eyes for a second longer than it took to blink.  Steve’s look of total concentration was mesmerizing and that was what seared into his brain when Steve’s hands brought him off.  His eyes went big when Phil came, but to Steve’s credit, he didn’t stop.  He worked Phil until he was just pumping his hips as his cock started to deflated.  

Steve wiped his hand on Phil’s shirt which was ruined at this point, and then carefully helped Phil get it off without smearing him with seed.  Steve even took a few moments to clean Phil up with real care.  “I don’t mind if you take your boxers off.  It has to be uncomfortable.”  Steve slid under the blankets and slipped off his boxers, tossing them aside as Phil laid next to him.  Both bare, lying face to face, neither could slow their hearts.  Phil reached out and stroked Steve’s cheek before kissing him again, slow.  They were both naked, but soft and the need for rest was coming on strong.  “I want you to stay.”  

Without reservation or hesitation, Steve nodded and settled into bed.  “I was dreading walking back, actually.”  Phil pulled Steve in against his chest, stroking down the man’s back.  “That….  That’s the most I’ve ever done.”  Phil could feel the mix of embarrassment and worry in Steve.  

“I’m glad to be the one who got to share it with you.”  Phil was sincere and from the way Steve relaxed in his arms, he clearly believed Phil.  “And I’ll share whatever else you want.”  It seemed to be a relief to Steve, and all Phil could do was wrap his arms around Steve and give him a squeeze.  Steve relaxed into him and Phil’s fingers stroked the nape of Steve’s neck until he fell asleep in Phil’s arms.  


	7. Chapter 7

Going out had been Phil’s idea. Steve was both thrilled and anxious about it. It wasn’t as though they’d be holding hands and skipping down the avenue together, but going out with a man was a step for Steve. It was a big step. There was no doubt that this was a date, they were dating. At least that’s what Steve thought and _hoped_ Phil felt. They’d been physical, and they did care for each other, but Steve wasn’t really sure where they fell on the whole relationship scale. Right now they were walking through the zoo and Steve tried to stay in the moment and not let his mind get carried away. Steve had gone to the zoo once or twice, the free one in Central Park, when he was a kid, but it was nothing like this. 

“What next,” Phil asked, breaking Steve’s thoughts to the asthma attack the mangy goat had given him all those years ago. “Large cats or reptiles.” 

“Not reptiles,” Steve said with a grimace. In truth, he really disliked reptiles, snakes, or pretty much any animal without fur or feathers. He didn’t hate them and certainly wouldn’t hurt them, but he didn’t want to spend his day off looking at anything slimy or scaly. 

“… are you afraid of snakes?” Phil poked Steve’s arm with a smile. 

“Not afraid, I just don’t appreciate their appeal.” It was the nicest way to say that they gave him the heebie jeebies. “Large cats will be fine.” It turned out that they hit the large cat exhibit at the right time, walking right up to the enclosure. It was a beautiful day, perfect for walking around outside. The only thing Steve didn’t like about it was that Phil was wearing sunglasses. That meant Steve couldn’t see the man’s eyes. They stood in front of the leopard enclosure, close as they talked. Steve could feel the heat Phil was producing and almost wanted to step back. It would have been the decent thing to do. After all, there were children around. 

Phil smiled, nodding at a gay family walking through the petting zoo with two children walking and two in strollers. “What do you think about that,” Phil asked Steve. “That never would have flown in your day, right?” 

“God no,” Steve shook his head. “They wouldn’t have gotten away with standing that close let alone holding hands like they are. And a child would have been out of the question entirely.” Steve flushed when he felt Phil’s finger brush the outside of his pinkie. He swallowed thickly, eyes flicking back to Phil then back to the couple. They kissed and Steve flushed, looking away entirely and refocusing on the cats. “What do you think about having children? You said you were nearly married.” 

Phil turned to look back at the cats, his shoulder bumping Steve’s as he leaned over the enclosure. “I knew we’d never be able to have kids, not with the jobs we have. My dad died when I was young and I wouldn’t do that to a kid. Having an agent, let alone two, as parents… the odds are way too high.” It was clear that Phil felt like that was the responsible thing to do. It was also clear that it was a regret. “We did have a dog, though. A big golden retriever named Cap as a matter of fact,” Phil smiled and Steve melted a little. It was hard for Phil to talk about Jasper, but clearly it was something he’d do for Steve because Steve asked. 

“I never did sign those cards for you,” Steve pointed out as his fingers brushed the back of Phil’s wrist. He caressed the man’s wrist bone a moment, hoping that this would be enough for Phil for now. It wasn’t as though he was pushing, but Phil was from a different era, a time when men got married and adopted children, an era where women kissed each other passionately on street corners in broad daylight. Holding hands in public with another man was a big deal for Steve. 

Phil seemed to understand, turning his hand so Steve didn’t have to, and accepting Steve’s fingers as they laced with his own. “Oh this is far better than your autograph.” Steve was surprised when Phil bent their hands and kissed the back of Steve’s. The touch was shocking, as in it sent shocks of desire through his body. Phil brought both their hands to rest more casually, watching the cats as they prowled and rolled around. They stood there for a long time, Phil’s fingers stroking Steve’s palm until Steve swore he could draw Phil’s fingerprints from memory. 

The cats went inside and eventually they had to move on, but Steve didn’t drop Phil’s hand. The grip became more solid as they walked to the Arctic enclosure to watch penguins slide on the ice. The rest of the day was like that, lots of them holding hands and standing close. Phil bought him cotton candy and Steve picked up a leopard for Phil in the gift shop. Maybe it was silly, but he liked the thought of Phil having a memento of this first step, that moment in public. Or maybe it was important for Steve to know it was out there. Phil had driven, so when they got in the car, Phil tucked the little leopard so that its paws hung over his rearview mirror. 

“I’d like to take you to dinner.” Steve surprised even himself in asking. “A date.” 

“Another date,” Phil corrected and Steve’s heart skipped a beat. Phil had considered this a date and he was viewing the two of them as together. 

“Another date,” Steve agreed. “There’s a Japanese place Natasha and I went to.” 

“If she’ll eat there, I’ll eat there.” Natasha was very careful about where and what she ate most of the time, so if she trusted a place, he’d trust it too. “I never would have thought… afraid of snakes and a fan of sushi.” 

“I’m _not_ afraid of snakes,” Steve reminded, rolling his eyes at the teasing. 

“Alright. But just to warn you, I’m going to get eel. That’s not too snake-like,” Phil quipped. 

“Jerk.” Steve gave Phil’s shoulder a gentle push. 

“Rotten to the core,” Phil returned. And though Steve doubted it, the teasing reminded him of a younger version of himself and Bucky. “Now tell me where I’m driving.” Phil reached out and took Steve’s hand again, bringing it to the area between the seats to rest. “I’m starved.” As Steve shifted uncomfortably to hide the tenting at the front of his pants, all he could think was _me too_. 

Steve led the way to the Japanese restaurant, glad that it was pretty empty. That meant that he didn’t overthink it when Phil reached out and touched his hand. They talked about everything, topics ranging wildly as they ate and drank over several hours. Steve was grateful Phil had taken off his sunglasses. It meant he could look at Phil’s eyes, could count the crinkles around them. “If I have another beer, will you drive us back?” 

“You trust me to drive Lola?” Phil nodded. That was a big deal as far as Steve knew and was pretty damn proud that he’d won Phil’s trust like that. “Yeah, I can drive us back.” Phil called the waitress over and ordered them another round of sushi and beer. Steve could drain a keg and barely feel it, so for him it really was about the camaraderie and the way it tasted with the fish. “And another of the salmon roe,” he piped up when Phil asked if there was anything else. Steve sincerely doubted that after a few hours here and a couple of rounds of sushi, that Phil was actually hungry. What Phil did seem to understand, though, was that Steve was _always_ hungry. 

Talk turned to a recent Red Sox game and Steve watched as a tipsy Phil got quite emphatic about the second baseman. Steve wasn’t really paying attention, he was just watching Phil talk, watching how much younger he looked when his cares fell away. There was a deep pang in his chest that Steve thought went right down his spine at thoughts of a young Phil. The space between them was magnetically charged. Steve felt this desire to touch Phil so acutely that it was painful. “What?” Phil reached out to touch Steve’s hand, the calloused edge of his index finger tracing Steve’s knuckles. It felt like an asthma attack mixed with that time his heart almost gave out. That was a lifetime ago, another Steve ago, but that was all he could equate it with. He turned his hand palm up and Phil’s fingers moved to his palm, tracing the lines as Steve tried not to make a sound. He was holding his breath, he realized. It was like he was more worried about scaring himself than of this very public display on Phil’s part. Phil laced their fingers together, palms pressing, and Steve bit his bottom lip hard enough to taste blood. 

That snapped Steve out of the spell and he pulled back his hand, flushed and breathless. “N… nothing,” Steve was glad he hadn’t leapt across the table at Phil. He wanted the other man so much that Steve felt like he might burst into flames. “Sorry, I drift off sometimes.” He tried to slide his mask into place, but Phil would know that. Bless him, though, when Steve did it, Phil didn’t call him on it. “I… I’m just about done,” Steve pushed his plate away a bit. “You?” But when he finally looked up to meet Phil’s eyes, he saw that the man had already made eye contact with their server and signaled for the check. “Thank you.” The kind smile Phil gave Steve was almost too much. Phil settled with the waiter, which thankfully took only a moment. 

“Steve,” Phil said softly, catching his attention again. “Ready?” They got up and left, making it to the parking lot before Phil touched him. Despite the fact that its was Steve who was driving them back, Phil came around and opened his door, handing over the keys only after Steve sat down behind the wheel. Phil gently closed the door, his fingers lingering over the open window. Steve glanced around then reached up to run his fingers over the back of Phil’s strong hand. Phil let out a shaky breath and mumbled something under his breath before sliding his hand back and coming around the other side of the car. From there until they got back to Phil’s, the guy made small talk and played with the radio. It was clear that, regardless of how aroused they both were, neither were willing to risk Lola by being stupid.


	8. Chapter 8

Steve was shaking like a leaf by the time Phil’s fingers got to his belt. The blond let out a deep breath along with an uncharacteristic curse as the end of his belt drug through the buckle. They had managed to keep their hands off each other until the door was closed, but the moment Phil locked the door, Steve pounced on him. In all Phil’s life, he’d never been kissed how Steve was kissing him. The guy was breathless and rough, almost like he was laying claim. Phil really thought he might pass out from oxygen deprivation, but it was the very best kind of death he could imagine. “I want to suck you off,” Phil told Steve plainly as his hands came to the taller man’s belt. “You don’t have to do anything but sit back and enjoy.” Phil looked up at Steve, trying not to look like ehe was pleading, but he really was. 

Steve nodded, but it was clear he was going to need a little bit of encouragement. Phil leaned in to kiss him, pulling him down at the back of the neck as Phil backed his way toward the sofa. Phil was surprised when Steve pulled back, shaking his head. “Not the couch.” His eyes cut to the bed and Phil was infinitely grateful that he kept his mouth shut when Steve leaned in and ran his mouth over the shell of Phil’s ear before whispering: “Take me to bed.” 

“Anything,” Phil promised as he paused a few steps away from the couch. “And only what you want.” Phil’s fingers ran through Steve’s hair, groaning as the thick, soft strands stroked the insides of his fingers. Steve searched Phil’s eyes and Phil did his very best not to guard anything from the other man. It had been a long time since Phil felt like this about anyone. He knew the heat in his blood and understood the sway Steve had over him. Neither stopped him from pulling Steve to the bed, pushing Steve until the back of his knees hit the bed. Phil took a moment to realize it, but it wasn’t just his own hands at work. Steve was pulling at Phil’s buttons, struggling with them as Phil stepped in close to rub his hip into Steve’s cock through the front of his pants. 

“Take this off.” Steve’s voice was firm as he pulled at the hem of Phil’s shirt. Phil leaned in to kiss Steve again as he worked his own buttons from top to bottom quickly before he had to pull back long enough to undo his cufflinks. Steve took advantage of his open shirt, running his hands up the ribbed front of Phil’s undershirt. “Your arms are sexy,” Steve told Phil almost shyly as he ran his fingers over Phil’s newly bared biceps. He leaned in and kissed the line of his bicep down to the inside of his elbow, getting a shudder from Phil. Steve was almost smug at that, smirking at Phil before he pulled off his sweater and t-shirt in one yank, dropping it onto Phil’s floor. 

“Jesus Christ,” Phil cursed as his hands came up to run over Steve’s chest. Phil’s toes curled against the carpet as Steve returned the gesture, one hand moving under Phil’s undershirt. Phil pulled Steve in for a kiss after that, his hand sinking into Steve’s hair as he pressed them together. Steve was incredibly solid and warm against Phil’s chest, his hips rolling against Phil’s. His hands moved into the waistband of Steve’s open pants, sliding down over his lips and along the front of his thighs as he pushed them down, stepping back only long enough to let them drop. Steve got a little nervous, pulled back, but Phil followed him, pushing Steve until he sat on the edge of the bed, shifting in to straddle him while they kissed. 

The position was more familiar, but it was also more intimate. The mix of the two seemed to cancel each other out, and Steve just held onto him while Phil kissed and rocked in his lap. It didn’t take terribly long before Steve was groaning, shuddering under the touch of Phil’s fingertips slipping over the inside wing of his shoulder blades. “Phil,” Steve groaned as Phil’s teeth outlined Steve’s collar bone. Phil pushed Steve back until he was resting on his elbows then slowly kissed, sucked, and nipped his way down Steve’s chest. Phil didn’t avoid pressing into Steve’s cock, but he didn’t pay it any specific attention until he got to his knees. 

Phil could have sworn Steve was about to protest, but Phil moved faster, wrapping his mouth around Steve through the thin cotton of his boxers. Steve caught Phil’s hands, holding them with their fingers laced for a long time as Phil drowned himself in the sensation of damp cotton and the smell of Steve’s need. Phil didn’t hesitate to throw himself into it, groaning and getting Steve going before Steve actually freed PHil’s hands so he could run them up the insides of Steve’s thighs and right into the leg holes of his boxers. He didn’t go right for Steve’s cock, instead framed the space with firm pushes of the heels of his hands into the tight muscles of Steve’s groin. 

“… w…wait… I’m… “ Phil went to pull back entirely, but Steve shook his head. “I’m just close.” Phil smiled at the way Steve blushed even under the deep flush of arousal on his skin. “I didn’t want to end things before they began.” 

Phil ran his thumb along the skin at the base of Steve’s cock, rubbing just a little. “Who said it has to be one and done,” Phil asked Steve with a raised brow as his hands withdrew and came to the waistband of Steve’s boxers. “Let me take the edge off.” Phil looked up at Steve, settling in on his knees as his fingers kneaded the insides of Steve’s thighs, finding muscles that tied into his groin to keep Steve’s hips rolling. Phil’s hands moved to the waist of Steve’s boxers, pulling them down until Steve had to raise his hips. The guy was a mass of knotted, nervous muscles and Phil was dying to help him let off some steam. It took him a moment, but Steve eventually registered that he had to move his hips and picked them up. 

Just like Steve was beautiful, his cock was too. Uncut and thick at the head, Phil could feel his mouth watering at the sight. He gave Steve a few pumps in his palm, listening to Steve groan before looking up. “Tell me someone has paid this beauty some real attention.” Phil ran his mouth along the underside to the head. 

“… I did travel all over the country with a cadre of chorus girls,” Steve pointed out with a slightly smug smile. 

“You sly dog,” Phil laughed, giving Steve a couple of slow strokes. Then Phil stopped talking. His mouth wrapped around the head, slowly exposing the sensitive flesh with taut lips. Steve let out a deep groan as Phil teased, his hands still stroking the inside of Steve’s thighs. He knew Steve was close, but Phil took it slow. Maybe it would have been kinder just to finish him off quick, but Phil might only get one shot at this. His furlough was ending in a day and a half, which meant he was going back to his team. The hairs on the top of his head rasped under Steve’s fingers as they ran through over and over. Phil delighted in the way he had Steve whimpering and twisting. About the time Steve started whispering _please_ , Phil decided to put him out of his misery. 

Being a pragmatist, even a very buzzed pragmatist, he didn’t know how hard a Super Soldier shot when he came like this, so Phil pulled back near the end, moving his mouth to Steve’s chest as he finished Steve with his hand. It turned out that a firm hand working the head of Steve’s cock while Phil’s mouth teased his nipple made Steve’s hips buck up hard as he came. He cried out Phil’s name, gripping Phil’s shoulder hard enough to bruise. Phil stroked him through, quietly encouraging Steve as the man shuddered under Phil’s touches. Phil caught his breath with his head on Steve’s chest, his fingertips stroking Steve’s balls and up the underside of his softening cock. 

Phil was surprised when Steve pulled him up, turning Phil’s face up with a soft grasp of Phil’s chin between thumb and forefinger. Steve’s lips pressed to his. Phil had just been guessing that Steve wouldn’t want to kiss after oral and was hoping he could reach the box of mints he’d put in his nightstand. Instead, Steve was kissing him. And it was deep. Phil opened his mouth, letting Steve taste. He groaned as the blonde man’s tongue ran over his own, then along the roof of Phil’s mouth. It was dirty and sweet at the same time. Steve’s forehead pressed to Phil’s as he tried to catch his breath, his unfocused gaze making it clear that Steve’s body was still flying high. Phil caressed down Steve’s arm then up to his throat, his lips pressed to Steve’s temple as his fingers moved. This was intense, a sort of pull and connection that Phil knew was a rare thing. 

He was falling for Steve, hard. The whole day had proven that. Phil wanted, more than anything, to barricade them in his apartment and not come out for a couple of weeks. Even then he might be pushing it. Phil wanted to know everything there was to know about Steve Rogers. He knew Captain America’s every detail, but he wanted to know the man behind the cowl. Phil felt Steve draw him in close and turn on their sides, pushing Phil back into the mattress. He was strong, shifting Phil like he weighed nothing. “That was incredible. Thank you.” 

Phil smiled, making Steve knit his brow in confusion. “You just thanked me for sucking your cock.” 

“… I’d salute, but I really don’t want to get out of bed.”


	9. Chapter 9

Steve realized a bit too late that Phil was almost totally clothed while he was laying out bare as an egg. Phil was also very hard, his cock pressing into Steve’s thigh through his slacks. It was incredible, how careful and patient Phil was being with him. It had to be difficult to be so aroused and still clothed. “Stand up,” Steve nudged Phil and the man raised his brow, sliding off the bed to stand near the end. Steve slid down, sitting on the end of the bed, looking up at Phil. His hands pushed up under the hem of Phil’s undershirt, spreading across Phil’s chest in a slow, firm rub. 

His fingers ran down to the waistband of Phil’s pants, working his belt open as he held the other man’s eyes. Phil leaned in and kissed Steve again, his fingers rubbing gentle strokes down the nape of Steve’s neck. He hadn’t realized how tense his shoulders had gotten until Phil’s fingers soothed them down. Steve took his time, his lips caressing every inch of skin that he was revealing. Eventually Steve got annoyed and pushed at Phil’s shirt until he got the message to take it off. “This is very arousing,” Steve told Phil as his fingers traced the cut of muscle that led from Phil’s hips down into his groin, hidden by the tight underpants that held Phil close. “Sort of like seeing … a glimpse of cleavage.” Steve’s lips ran down the cut, noticing how Phil’s fingers pressed into his back when he slipped across underneath Phil’s navel to run his teeth along the other groove. It was like an arrow pointing Steve to what he was very much interested in. 

“These leave little to the imagination,” Steve told Phil as his hand ran up and down the bulge of Phil’s cock through the thin fabric of his underpants. “Aren’t they uncomfortable?” Steve drew the band around Phil’s waist down until he revealed several inches of Phil’s cock. 

“There’s a lot of give,” Phil said with a smirk. Steve was watching the way Phil watched him, loving that the man’s eyes were glued to Steve. Everything he’d known about homosexuals before waking up in the future was that the encounters were brief and clandestine, and usually anonymous. This, though, whatever this was with Phil, was none of those things. 

“You’re really holding yourself back,” Steve commented when he noticed Phil’s fingers twitching in his hair as Steve’s mouth got close to Phil’s chest. Phil didn’t respond and Steve looked up, brows knitted. “You really are.” 

“Slow is ok,” Phil assured Steve. “There’s… an imbalance. I’m far… far more experienced and I want to show you anything and everything, but we’re going at your pace. I don’t really think of it as holding back.” 

Steve’s eyes batted a few times, not really flirtatious but surprised by what he was about to say. “And if I were any other man?” 

“What would I do,” Phil asked. Steve nodded and was treated to Phil’s fingers sinking into his hair and pulling him close. Steve realized Phil was guiding his mouth to Phil’s cock. This was a big line, but he’d pushed Phil to tell him. “Mouth, hands… whatever, I just need you to touch me Steve.” Mouth, though, Steve thought. That was what Phil really wanted. It was another line he was crossing, but Steve didn’t think about it too much as his mouth ran over the few inches of Phil that were exposed. “My God.” Phil’s fingers tightened and Steve found that incredibly arousing. That was him, Steve had made Phil feel that good. Just add pride to the list of sins he was racking up. 

Steve mostly ran his mouth up and down the underside of Phil’s cock, pushing his underpants down and off as his hands got into the mix. Steve tried to mimic the way Phil’s hands had caressed him just a few minutes ago, letting them move from thigh to stomach to cock. Steve had avoided the head of Phil’s cock, knowing that the flavor would be far less pleasant than the salty taste of his skin. Still, Steve knew that was where he needed to go and decided the time was right. The taste wasn’t quite what Steve had thought, and any discomfort on his part was quelled by the way Phil said his name as Steve’s mouth finally closed around him. It sent a surge through Steve as his hands moved up the outsides of Phil’s thighs, fingertips grazing his backside. 

Phil was verbal, grateful, as Steve started to move, groaning and encouraging Steve’s movements. “Yes, Steve. That’s so good.” Phil’s fingers were carding through Steve’s hair, rubbing the back of his neck. It was wonderful. Steve focused on making Phil feel good while Phil’s fingers tightened in his hair. “God I’m glad I took a vacation,” Phil laughed. Steve pulled off, looking up at Phil and barely blinking before the man was kissing him. Phil’s hands cupped Steve’s face, puling the man to his feet as they kissed, Steve’s half-hard cock rubbing against Phil’s very hard, slick cock. 

Steve pulled Phil up, grabbing the man around the waist and getting him to wrap his legs around Steve’s waist. Steve left one hand on Phil’s thigh and the other went to his cock, stroking as the tip of his own rubbed Phil’s thigh. Phil’s head fell back and Steve leaned forward to kiss and nip the exposed skin into a nice red-mottled mess. Phil was moaning now, rolling his hips against Steve. He reached beneath them and shifted Steve’s cock until it was between Phil’s thighs, rubbing under his balls back toward his hole. Steve let out a low curse because that sensation was incredible. It was like he was surrounded by the heat of Phil without being inside him just yet. “I want you,” Phil told Steve in no uncertain terms. 

The declaration was like a gong had been hit in Steve’s guts and woke up something even more primal than he’d been dabbling in for days now. Steve looked up at Phil where he was holding him, reading his eyes. “… I’ve nev…”

“I’ll teach you,” Phil assured. Phil’s pupils were blown and he was covered with a sheen of sweat that Steve couldn’t stop kissing. He sucked at Phil’s nipple, nose running through the damp chest hair as Phil growled and arched. “Already know… you’re a quick learner,” Phil panted out. Steve could hear the grin as he continued to suck a path over Phil’s chest. Steve stroked Phil hard and fast a few times, getting him to cry out Steve’s name in the way that made Steve’s heart flutter. “Lube,” Phil pointed at the nightstand. 

Steve turned them and laid Phil back on the bed, following down shortly after. Phil was already reaching into the table for lube and condoms, pulling them out as Steve kissed the man’s chest. He outlined the scar with his mouth, knowing Phil would understand. Steve was infinitely grateful that they were getting this second chance to know each other. “What can I do?” Steve understood the mechanics, but sex with a man was different than sex with a woman. As he understood it, you needed to prepare a little bit. 

“Just give me two minutes,” Phil was reaching between his legs with a slick finger. 

“Wait.” Steve reached down, catching Phil’s wrist and making him pause. “Teach me how.” Steve boldly slipped his finger into the lubricant Phil was using. Phil shifted up a little, showing Steve how to gently stroke a moment. Steve stared, focused entirely on the way his fingertip looked against Phil there. The puckered skin moved, almost caressing his fingertip and the thought of what that would translate to how that would feel around his johnson. “… stupid question,” Steve started. 

“Yes, if you’re not ready or you don’t prepare, it can hurt. But mostly it’s a little strain until the muscle relaxes and not much more.” Steve was relieved that Phil was reading his mind there. That would have been an awkward thing to talk about. But then, that was Phil. the man seemed to know what Steve was going to ask and answer the embarrassing stuff so Steve didn’t have to actually ask. The tip of Steve’s finger ran around the creased skin before Phil urged him to press. Steve felt the resistance and watched in total amazement as Phil’s body took his finger. Phil let out a soft little sigh and Steve’s eyes flicked up. 

It was clear that Phil was focused on him, looking over his shoulder at Steve, but also that Phil was enjoying this. He got an encouraging little nod from Phil and pushed deeper. The heat was fantastic as it sunk into his skin. “Ok?” Phil smiled just a little and nodded. Steve thought he might have seen a little mist in the man’s eyes, but it was gone just as quickly. Phil’s hand had wrapped around Steve’s wrist and he helped start Steve moving. It was just what he’d expected on that front, a lot of in and out until Phil pushed Steve’s finger deep. He didn’t know what he was touching, but Phil sure seemed to appreciate it. 

“That,” Phil told Steve with a smile, “is the prostate.” Steve had certainly heard the word, but only in clinical terms. He showed Steve how to curl his finger a little, how you had to be firm but not rough. It only took a few minutes, but soon Steve had Phil moaning, honest to goodness moaning. Steve liked that noise. He liked knowing that he was physically effecting Phil like that. 

“Use more lube and go to two fingers,” Phil requested. Steve didn’t need to be asked twice, though he probably used too much lube. He felt sloppy with it as he pushed the tips of two fingers into Phil’s ass. The man’s body gave in and soon Steve’s fingers were filling Phil, Steve’s palm rubbing under the man’s balls. Phil reached down and took Steve’s wrist so he could direct things. It took a few minutes, but soon Steve knew what to feel for. Once he got that under control, he knew how to make Phil’s pleasure rise and fall. That was a tremendous amount of power and Steve would probably abuse it greatly before the night was out. But then he wasn’t going to deny either of them anything tonight. 

Phil shifted up a little, his hand reaching out to cup the back of Steve’s neck. He gave a gentle tug, and Steve got the message. Phil kissed him slow and dirty as Steve’s fingers opened Phil up. He felt like he might burst from all the waiting despite taking the edge off early on. And thank God for that. Phil hadn’t been wrong when he said they had all night. Hell, they had the next day, too. That was good. That made it feel like _more_ somehow, and that helped any worries he had about this being too fast or too much. He was familiar with the concept of a leave romance, but Steve really didn’t think that was what this was going to be. He didn’t know if he was in love with Phil, but he did care very much for him. If he didn’t, he’d never have opened up to the man in the first place. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be in bed with him right now. 

“I’m ready,” Phil assured Steve but Steve wasn’t sure. Phil still seemed really tight and Steve honestly worried about what doing this to Coulson’s body seemed counterintuitive but also like something he’d wanted to do since he was just a runt kid. Phil was wrapping his leg around Steve’s hip, pulling him in tight. “Get yourself slick… not too much,” Phil advised. “It’s easier to add more than take it away later.” Steve got it and used the lubricant sparingly. He watched as Phil prepared himself, tucking a pillow under his hips, pretty much presenting himself to Steve with legs open wide and that expectant soft smile on his lips that Steve found himself daydreaming about. “Take your time,” Phil advised. “No rush.” 

Steve could feel the desire rolling off of Phil but here he laid, incredibly ready but telling Steve to take his time. Patient wasn’t even the word. This man was a saint and Steve was going to have to treat him as such. He lined up and slowly gave a push. There was resistance against the head of his cock. Steve didn’t know if he was supposed to push hard to get through at first. What was going to be the best for Phil? “A little more pressure,” Phil advised as his hand moved back to stroke Steve’s thigh. “I’ll be fine. I promise. Just pause a second when you get in.” Steve followed Phil’s instructions and proceeded to put more and more pressure until he felt the gradual give. Phil was moaning underneath him, his fingers tight against Steve’s thigh. “Little more.” 

The actual push through went fast once he got to the widest part. It took Steve a moment to realize and gasped at the sight. He was inside Coulson’s body. Just a little so far, but there it was. “Wow.” 

Phil laughed a little. “My sentiments exactly.” His fingers tightened at Steve’s thighs, giving him another pull. “Slow.” Phil’s head rested on the bed, cheek turned to the sheets as Steve pushed in. Phil’s hips started moving, his whole body nearly vibrating as Steve pushed his way inside. And it was a push. Coulson’s body gripped at him hard enough to take Steve’s breath for a moment. This was very little like being with a woman. Steve was immediately thrilled that he’d decided to do this. He knew in the deepest parts of him that this was the right decision. 

It took a few slow pulls back and forward to get things moving, Phil telling Steve that it had been awhile for him. Somehow that made Steve feel better. It was probably old fashioned but he was glad that Phil didn’t sleep around. “This…. it’s incredible.” Steve leaned in to kiss Phil’s shoulder blade, running his lips down the thin skin to get Phil to shudder. “You feel…” Steve didn’t have a word so he just moaned, his hips pressing in against Phil a moment before pulling back. “You ok?” Phil turned to look at Steve over his shoulder, pupils blown with a little smile on his lips. Phil was very ok. 

“Like that… fuck… Steve.” Phil’s hips ground against him but Steve knew that Phil was really rubbing his cock against the pillow underneath them. Phil’s forehead hit the mattress as he started arching and relaxing his back, groaning Steve’s name in the filthiest tone Steve had ever heard. Steve figured that was a good thing so he kept doing just what he had been doing. Phil’s hand gripped his hip, squeezing hard. The only word Steve could come up with for what Phil was doing was writhing. “Steve… “ Phil’s hands came out in front of him, gripping the bedsheets and pulling the corner free in his movements and Steve couldn’t breathe. He’d seen blue movies and had even looked at some modern pornography but this was more arousing than all that combined. 

Phil was letting go, he was allowing Steve to have him but it was clear that Phil was still taking all the pleasure he wanted from it. “So handsome.” His hand ran up Phil’s back, stroking over the bumps of his spine until he got to the back of Phil’s neck. He ran a straight line over the vicious scar on Phil’s back, not pausing a second. They all had scars, but this one was worse than any he’d seen outside those boys in the VA hospitals he’d visited. Phil turned and looked at Steve, pupils blown as he squeezed down around Steve’s prick. Steve could not have been happier that he’d taken a second look on that overhang, that he’d recognized Phil by his walk and known he needed to find out the truth. None of this would have happened without that moment. 

“I’m close,” Steve warned Phil. Phil didn’t do anything but moan and grip his hips, pulling Steve in close. He took that as a signal to finish when he was ready and Steve didn’t ask twice. He felt the need roiling deep in his gut and his hips sped. Phil’s backside stuck to his thighs when Steve would thrust in and when he’d pull back he could watch Phil’s ass bounce. It became hypnotizing until the moment he came, crying out Phil’s name as he pulled the man back against him hard, pulling Phil up from the pillow. 

The loss of the pillow didn’t deter the man, though. Nope, instead Phil’s hand went to his prick, stroking fast. Steve knew he had to be close and while he was over sensitive and everything from navel to mid-thigh ached with spent arousal, Steve kept going. It was more of a slow roll, something for Phil to grind and bounce on a little, than actual sex. Still, it was astoundingly arousing when he felt Phil finish, knowing from the hard squeezes his body let off around his cock before he felt the splash across the back of his hand. “Oh my God.” Steve kept stroking, having to press his forehead into Phil’s shoulder to keep from crying out anything else. It felt amazing when Steve came, but it also felt really good when Phil did too. Steve couldn't help but feel that he’d really missed the boat on this early on. 

A trembling, groaning Phil Coulson leaned back, kissing his throat and Steve’s thoughts were solidified in the present once more. Phil tethered him to the here and now without being cruel or condescending like most people were. Phil brought him comfort and peace and Steve held onto the man as he brought them both to lie on the bed, refusing to pull out. “You felt … I could feel every squeeze.” Phil just smiled at him over his shoulder and said ‘good’ before wrapping Steve’s arm over his chest and snuggling back with a little yawn. Steve was amazed by what he’d just experienced and wondered how soon until he could try it again. Coulson looked pretty worn out and groaned deeply every time Steve moved a little. Steve kissed Phil as he slowly withdrew, lingering for awhile before finally pulling back. Coulson had fallen on his stomach and Steve followed after, laying with his arm across Phil’s back protectively. “Next time I want to see your face,” Steve told him as he pulled Coulson close, tucking the man in against his chest. “Can I?” 

Phil’s voice was a little tight, but he did respond so quiet Steve had to shift closer to hear. “You can do anything and everything you want, Steve. I told you. Your pace.” Phil leaned in to kiss him and pulled the blanket up. “Now give me an hour to recover and you can have me on my back.” It sounded like a square deal to Steve so he just tucked in with Phil, mentally counting down the minutes.


End file.
